Keyshia Cole:The Way It Is- Ep #2

BET on BLAST

EVERYONE DESERVES A STANDING OVATION, AT LEAST ONCE IN A LIFETIME

KEYSHIA COLE – THE WAY IT IS (Season 2)
Episode #2

The opening scene of the show – found the Cole family at the office of the serene soft-spoken therapist, Dr. Wilson, peeling back the layers of pain revolving around the family’s matriarch - Frankie. Neffe, Keisha’s older sister, gave a disturbing monologue about wanting her mother, Frankie, feel the pain she caused as a result of her addiction. Not able to tolerate her feet over the fire, Frankie lashed out her daughters’ constant reminders her of her flaws and failures. Frankie is freshly out of jail, sober and wants everyone to move forward in a spirit of forgiveness. She demands unquestionable forgiveness. During this tearful tirade, Keyshia simply looked at her mother – like someone who has heard every useless excuse Frankie has conjured throughout the years. There was an apparent disconnect. Finally, Dr. Wilson posed the question to Frankie, “Have you forgiven yourself?” With a muted stare of shock– Frankie answered, “No. I don’t know how.”


Wanting to work through the family issues, Keyshia still have to work…create music…press on with her career. The next scenes took her to Miami where she worked on an upcoming CD. We got a bird’s eye view of Keyshia’s creative process while working with a new talent, Amina. It was good to see Keyshia as a nurturer to this budding star – offering words of encouragement & support, like a proud mentor.

Frankie’s quest for forgiveness led her to an informal speaking engagement at Mary Hall Freedom House, a rehab facility for women and their children. The picture-esque facility, nestled in the suburbs of Atlanta is run by Lucy Hall, the youngest of seven siblings. She barely knew her mother, who died of alcoholism when she was six. However, the impressions her mother made on her life inspired a life-long commitment to establish a comprehensive residential recovery program for women and women with children. When Frankie, accompanied by Neffe entered the multi-purposed room, she received a standing ovation from 60-75 women who are in recovery. During the standing ovation – you could see Frankie transforming instantly. She stood taller, smiled brighter, her chest expanded and chin lifted - morphed into a woman in purposeful recovery. Frankie’s words of encouragement painted a tragic self-portrait of a crack-addict for 20 years, to prostituting for drugs, to losing contact with all her kids, to finding her way back home. The audience, all women of all ethnic background and age, released low grunts, sighs and head nods – agreeing to every painful point Frankie touched on. Frankie’s final words spoke to the women sobriety and her newfound discovery, “you must forgive yourself first.”

According to Jim Brady (a person in recovery) of the Sobriety Recovery Community
“What I've found is that I need not forgive and forget, because it is really quite impossible. What I need to do is remember the event I'm dealing with and then release it. Remembering is not always pretty, it usually hurts. But I've found that nothing goes away by my ignoring it and if I wish to grow these things need to be dealt with. The old line, "You did the best you could with the information you had at the time" gets me through the "remember and release" painful periods. I cannot judge yesterdays actions with the expanded information I have today. As I remember and release, this line helps me to forgive my part of the situation. I can only sweep my side of the street. I didn’t get this way overnight and my healing will take awhile also. But I can forgive myself for today.”
(http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/inspirations-thoughts-poems-sayings/8428-forgiveness.html)

Infidelity: Occupational Hazard for Music Producers

GOTTI'S WAY - Episode #5
Aired: November 12, 2007

Irv Gotti, in the show’s opening scene, reveals to his long suffering wife (who’s desperate to rescue their marriage), Deb -- “this business won’t allow me to be in a relationship!” Thus, Irv is exonerated from his laundry list of infidelities because the music business is a perfect breeding ground. Unfortunately, Deb is convinced of this profoundly flawed fact.

During a ‘girls’ night out’ at a trendy bar/resturant – Deb and her hip-hop ex-wives friends dished about the problems of having a husband in the entertainment business. As the ladies complained – a waitress or patron should have yelled….”It’s not only spouses in the entertainment business – it’s in every business!” They wore their husband’s unfaithfulness as red badge of courage. Are they unaware that infidelity is the second major reason for divorce in American – not just the entertainment industry? The point: you can’t blame a person’s occupation as the cause of their infidelity. That type of reasoning blankets the real cause, deflects responsibility and a real healing solution-oriented conversation. However, the “girls’ night” hit an emotional bump when Deb’s friend, Shonda, suggested that Deb, not the industry, caused the break-down of their marriage. An honest attempt at owing the problem (which would lead to discovery of solutions and actions towards taking control of your life) but Deb, as well as her dinner guests, lambasted Shonda – for not understanding the ‘real’ problem.

Irv’s mother put the entire situation in prospective during a poignant meeting between Irv and his parents at the parents’ home. After Irv discussed his commitment to being unfaithful because there’s ‘just too much temptation’ – his parents (married for 50 years) listened lovingly to their son. Both parents looked at Irv with an emerging ‘oh, the problems of youth’ smirk on their face. At the end of Irv’s discourse his mother concluded, “You have a unique way of thinking and it may work for you.” You gotta love mothers.

Later in the episode – we were introduced to Irv’s “moral compass” – BJ, the Inc.’s manager. As Irv blamed his employees for producing a less-than professional video featuring Jah-Rule, BJ cuts through as the voice of reason. “You’re never here (at the studio). You gotta be here to steer the ship.”

Throughout this episode ‘blame’ was the clear through line. Blame is such an easy way to release ownership of a problem or challenge. But blame can cause stagnation – causing us to neglect the search for a solution…a way out…an opportunity for growth. The question becomes: “what’s the next step after “blame?”

Divorce Statistics: Effects on Black Community « Soliloquies of A Stranger

Divorce Statistics: Effects on Black Community « Soliloquies of A Stranger

YouTube - Hip Hop Wives Part 1

YouTube - Hip Hop Wives Part 1

I FEEL LIKE I'M BACK IN PRISON

KEYSHIA COLE – THE WAY IT IS (Season 2)
Episode #1
After last season’s finale – the opening episode of this seemingly Greek tragedy reality show begins with Keyshia bringing her family to Atlanta to live with her in a beautiful new mansion. Her mother, Frankie, carrying the horrors of woman fresh from jail (missing teeth, ragged hair, and down-beaten disposition) entered her estrange daughter’s home with awe and gratitude. Keyshia’s sister, Neffe (short for the Egyptian queen Nefertiti), a recovering alcoholic - enters the mansion with her three daughters & bags upon bags of anger, resentment and (what looks a lot like) jealousy. As a tragic hero fights to keep the family together; in the spirit of Oedipus of “Oedipus Rex,” Flipper from Spike Lee’s “Jungle Fever” and Edmund from O’Neil’s “Long Day’s Journey Into Night” – we root for Keyshia; wanting her family to ‘act right’ and bond together.
With bedrooms furnished by “Please, don’t make me regret this!” furniture store; Frankie and Neffe are grateful to Keyshia for helping them start a much needed new life. At this point – you think, “good, the ladies will be a family and not throw Keyshia’s good-nature in her face.” But each episode of a reality show must have a conflict – someone has to want something & face obstacles. This structure keeps us (the audience) glued to the journey – but “The Way It Is” is so chock-full of mammoth-size tension (subtextually and emotionally) that I almost want to give them a pass on the conflict plot point. However, the first obstacle is the house rule – “no male visitors.” Neffe got problems. As Frankie gets an entire make-over (teeth, nails & hair) she pouts and reveals to the beautician about living with her daughter – “I feel like I’m back in prison.” With that statement (knowing how shows are edited to cover the high points) it’s very hard not to pass judgment on the characters – especially Frankie. But in spite of off-handed comments – you still root for Keyshia and her family because they are trying to be a family; which can be a test of faith.
When it could be so easy to show Frankie the door – since she ‘feels like she’s in prison, again’ the show has 5 more episodes left. At least, Keyshia is making a strong attempt at re-uniting her family and being an example to her nieces, which I totally commend her for. According to Maulana Karenga, in an interview in The Source February 1996 -- “If they (young people) have contempt for their fathers & mothers, if they do nothing but engage in self-congratulatory narratives…they are not our future; they are our fate.”

Searching for a 6 FT Condom!

SALT-N-PEPA REALITY SHOW
Episode #5
Aired: Nov. 12, 2007

Pepa was in control – during this episode and it was a display of slap-stick comedy. First, the girls tapped a Public Service Announcement "Let’s Talk About Sex” for the fifteenth anniversary of Lifebeat, an organization that partners with the music industry to fight AIDS. The organization’s rep loved the PSA so much that he asked Salt-N-Pepa to perform at their next event. I don’t think the guy completed his request before “yes, we would be honored to perform” sprinted out Pepa’s mouth. Salt, looking like a rejected Cinderella - was offended because Pepa didn’t even think to talk it over with her – and thus the story’s conflict is established. Yes, the show feels extremely scripted with a forced conflict before the first commercial break – (I think I saw Pepa reading her lines from the teleprompter) but for this show…it works. Following the ‘scripted’ format – Pepa agrees to handle all the details of the performance as Salt rolls her eyes in that ‘I know you’re going to Forrest Gump your way through this’ manner.

Through a comedy of errors – Pepa pulled the performance together as Salt complained, sighed – and totally doubted Pepa’s ability. According to the scripting format – the protagonist must endure a series of obstacles before achieving his/her goal (to develop ‘rooting’ power in the audience) and Pepa had her obstacles. First, she embarked on a search for a 6ft condom – but they don’t exist. Then, she rehearsed the dancers – using choreography stolen from Magic City – Strip Club. Next, Pepa held a production meeting and took notes with crayon. Finally, she revealed the bathing suit attire for the performance. Salt vetoed Pepa’s outrageous ideas – but complimented her on the effort.

Watching this episode – Pepa’s determination to complete the task was mediocre TV and a little sad. She seemed almost child-like in wanting to prove herself to Salt. Looking frantic and lost in many scenes, you could see the little girl in Pepa – trying to prove herself to others as they doubted her, probably making her feel silly and insignificant. It struck a cord in me because I’ve found myself in that position – until I got tired of working so hard against that debilitating doubting energy of others. It’s draining and destructive. Also, it’s easy to get caught up the negative image others have about you. And that’s where the reality show changes into a full fledge Greek tragedy. The question becomes: “When do you stop trying to prove yourself to others and start believing in yourself?”