Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Monday, November 26, 2007
EVERYONE DESERVES A STANDING OVATION, AT LEAST ONCE IN A LIFETIME
KEYSHIA COLE – THE WAY IT IS (Season 2)
Episode #2
The opening scene of the show – found the Cole family at the office of the serene soft-spoken therapist, Dr. Wilson, peeling back the layers of pain revolving around the family’s matriarch - Frankie. Neffe, Keisha’s older sister, gave a disturbing monologue about wanting her mother, Frankie, feel the pain she caused as a result of her addiction. Not able to tolerate her feet over the fire, Frankie lashed out her daughters’ constant reminders her of her flaws and failures. Frankie is freshly out of jail, sober and wants everyone to move forward in a spirit of forgiveness. She demands unquestionable forgiveness. During this tearful tirade, Keyshia simply looked at her mother – like someone who has heard every useless excuse Frankie has conjured throughout the years. There was an apparent disconnect. Finally, Dr. Wilson posed the question to Frankie, “Have you forgiven yourself?” With a muted stare of shock– Frankie answered, “No. I don’t know how.”
Wanting to work through the family issues, Keyshia still have to work…create music…press on with her career. The next scenes took her to Miami where she worked on an upcoming CD. We got a bird’s eye view of Keyshia’s creative process while working with a new talent, Amina. It was good to see Keyshia as a nurturer to this budding star – offering words of encouragement & support, like a proud mentor.
Frankie’s quest for forgiveness led her to an informal speaking engagement at Mary Hall Freedom House, a rehab facility for women and their children. The picture-esque facility, nestled in the suburbs of Atlanta is run by Lucy Hall, the youngest of seven siblings. She barely knew her mother, who died of alcoholism when she was six. However, the impressions her mother made on her life inspired a life-long commitment to establish a comprehensive residential recovery program for women and women with children. When Frankie, accompanied by Neffe entered the multi-purposed room, she received a standing ovation from 60-75 women who are in recovery. During the standing ovation – you could see Frankie transforming instantly. She stood taller, smiled brighter, her chest expanded and chin lifted - morphed into a woman in purposeful recovery. Frankie’s words of encouragement painted a tragic self-portrait of a crack-addict for 20 years, to prostituting for drugs, to losing contact with all her kids, to finding her way back home. The audience, all women of all ethnic background and age, released low grunts, sighs and head nods – agreeing to every painful point Frankie touched on. Frankie’s final words spoke to the women sobriety and her newfound discovery, “you must forgive yourself first.”
According to Jim Brady (a person in recovery) of the Sobriety Recovery Community
“What I've found is that I need not forgive and forget, because it is really quite impossible. What I need to do is remember the event I'm dealing with and then release it. Remembering is not always pretty, it usually hurts. But I've found that nothing goes away by my ignoring it and if I wish to grow these things need to be dealt with. The old line, "You did the best you could with the information you had at the time" gets me through the "remember and release" painful periods. I cannot judge yesterdays actions with the expanded information I have today. As I remember and release, this line helps me to forgive my part of the situation. I can only sweep my side of the street. I didn’t get this way overnight and my healing will take awhile also. But I can forgive myself for today.”
(http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/inspirations-thoughts-poems-sayings/8428-forgiveness.html)
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Infidelity: Occupational Hazard for Music Producers
GOTTI'S WAY - Episode #5
Aired: November 12, 2007
Irv Gotti, in the show’s opening scene, reveals to his long suffering wife (who’s desperate to rescue their marriage), Deb -- “this business won’t allow me to be in a relationship!” Thus, Irv is exonerated from his laundry list of infidelities because the music business is a perfect breeding ground. Unfortunately, Deb is convinced of this profoundly flawed fact.
During a ‘girls’ night out’ at a trendy bar/resturant – Deb and her hip-hop ex-wives friends dished about the problems of having a husband in the entertainment business. As the ladies complained – a waitress or patron should have yelled….”It’s not only spouses in the entertainment business – it’s in every business!” They wore their husband’s unfaithfulness as red badge of courage. Are they unaware that infidelity is the second major reason for divorce in American – not just the entertainment industry? The point: you can’t blame a person’s occupation as the cause of their infidelity. That type of reasoning blankets the real cause, deflects responsibility and a real healing solution-oriented conversation. However, the “girls’ night” hit an emotional bump when Deb’s friend, Shonda, suggested that Deb, not the industry, caused the break-down of their marriage. An honest attempt at owing the problem (which would lead to discovery of solutions and actions towards taking control of your life) but Deb, as well as her dinner guests, lambasted Shonda – for not understanding the ‘real’ problem.
Irv’s mother put the entire situation in prospective during a poignant meeting between Irv and his parents at the parents’ home. After Irv discussed his commitment to being unfaithful because there’s ‘just too much temptation’ – his parents (married for 50 years) listened lovingly to their son. Both parents looked at Irv with an emerging ‘oh, the problems of youth’ smirk on their face. At the end of Irv’s discourse his mother concluded, “You have a unique way of thinking and it may work for you.” You gotta love mothers.
Later in the episode – we were introduced to Irv’s “moral compass” – BJ, the Inc.’s manager. As Irv blamed his employees for producing a less-than professional video featuring Jah-Rule, BJ cuts through as the voice of reason. “You’re never here (at the studio). You gotta be here to steer the ship.”
Throughout this episode ‘blame’ was the clear through line. Blame is such an easy way to release ownership of a problem or challenge. But blame can cause stagnation – causing us to neglect the search for a solution…a way out…an opportunity for growth. The question becomes: “what’s the next step after “blame?”
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